Adamaris I will always love and remember you Part 2 The funeral

The funeral...

 First of all, never in my mind did I ever think of having to do a funeral for someone, especially my own daughter. That Friday I remember I started looking through my clothes for a black dress, seriously a horrible feeling. Not a dress for a presentation or anything like that, but for the funeral of my, our daughter. I can't even figure out what to wear, what is the appropriate, in my mind I keep wanting to wear white, but have no idea if that is something that is ok to do. My husband then decides on us going to the store to also find a shirt for Antoni. I end up saying ok, we get to Marshall's the one thing on my mind is "I really hope nobody asks me if I am pregnant." I start looking through the dresses and just start crying there at the store. Having to find a dress for something like this just did not make any sense to me. I turn around to my friend and tell her if we can just leave, I did not want and should have not been there. I needed to be home. On Saturday it was time for the service, just walking in to the funeral home felt so unreal. I could not believe this was happening, no not me. My husband and I walk in and sit down.

(We had previously been there with the family for the viewing. My baby Adamaris in a tiny casket. She looked like a little porcelain doll, my mom bought her the cutest dress. White and with a bonnet sort of hat. I remember touching her while she laid there her cheeks were so cold. I kissed her once again, and this time I got a chance to be with her by myself. I spoke to her and prayed. I told God, that if her death was permitted than I hope His name be glorified through the midst of it all. I know God did not do this, He did let it happen, why? I have no idea except I do know that everything that He does is for a greater purpose and to bring honor and glory to His name. I spoke to her and let her know how much I love her and that one day we will meet.)

While we are sitting on the front bench, family and friends begin to come and give us their condolences. The service begins, there are words from one of our loved pastors, then a song from my sister, then a poem which my mother wrote, after that I am called to speak. I go to the front with my husband, I remember seeing so many people and was just at an awe of how many people came to show us their love and support. At this point we had already been receiving so much prayer and financial support. My husband and I were blown away. Family and friends from town, out of town people that I had never personally met before came out. Adamaris was shown so much love and has been shown so much love by many. I spoke and then there was a short reflection by my father, lastly a song by my husband dedicated to Adamaris. Then came the time for the burial.

One thing that really touched me was my husband when he grabbed the shovel and filled the hole himself.

Later on he tells me that he felt he had to do it. It was the least he could do for her. He said "these were the hands that were going to work to provide for her so it was the least I could do."

 I admire and love my husband so much.

Sometimes if you just sit, be still, listen and observe you really see the Glory of the Lord. Sometimes you see it in the tiniest moments, the smallest things.

Thank you to everyone that came and showed us their support and love that day, and those who continue to show it to us daily. May God bless you all!